The Eye is Never Satisfied

It is ten o'clock at night after a long Friday on-call. After a full clinic schedule and multiple Emergency Room visits, I find myself lounging in the reclining chair next to the nurses' desk. There is something lulling about the metronomic fetal heartbeat bounding from the labor room down the hallway, but I can't fall asleep quite yet. Besides, the intermittent cries and screams from the mother are also predictable and enough to prevent me from falling asleep. A woman is about to give birth to her first child, and it's taking longer than we all had expected. It takes every ounce of my energy to keep my eyes open as they desperately try to surrender to my body's natural need for sleep. I find myself reading the hospital's vision and mission statements posted on the wall in front of me to help the time pass by...

"The vision of Loma de Luz is one of a diverse community of Christian believers cooperating to provide medical care and a constant, present, on-going hearing of the gospel of Jesus Christ to the people of the north coast of Honduras..."

"In order to accomplish this task...we work daily for it to be an outreach that not only meets physical needs but also the needs of the spirit and the soul...to be a city set on a hill that cannot be hidden. It is our goal that the people...would not only hear the gospel preached, but also see it lived out in the lives of the missionaries and Christian workers."

A few minutes later, I am called to the labor room where the mother is about to give birth. After a multitude of valiant maternal pushes synchronous with the powerful contractions of her uterus, the baby's head eventually makes its way out. But then, something doesn't feel right as I try to move the baby's shoulder into view. And though we can't see what lies beyond the baby's head, the nurse and I quickly recognize that the baby's shoulder is stuck behind the mother's pubic bone. After a series of maneuvers, the mother gives birth to her beautiful baby girl. The mother, too, quickly recognizes something that goes beyond the limits of her visual field. It is not enough to only see her daughter newly welcomed into the world; the mother quickly reaches for her child, brings her to her chest, holds her closely, and begins to give the child her life-sustaining milk. 

Earlier that day I was reminded by the wise and inspiring Matthew Kelly that "the human eye is never satisfied." There is a reason why a sign reading "Do Not Touch" quickly strips a child of his or her tactile satisfaction when mere sight is unfulfilling. It's not enough to merely look at a delectable slice of chocolate cake through the bakery window; only the taste of chocolatey goodness can satisfy one's sweet tooth. Ultimately, that on which our vision is set will ultimately become the very thing we pursue through our actions. And yet, the larger but "hidden" truth in this reminder is: if the human eye can never be satisfied, there must be something beyond what we see that can satisfy.

***

In Medicine, we are taught to always correlate what we "see" on laboratory or imaging studies with the patient's presentation and our clinical experience. Even radiologists who are experts in reading X-rays, ultrasounds, and CT and MRI scans will frequently recommend that one "correlate the findings clinically." This is because the particular finding seen may only be incidental or a diagnosis that doesn't actually explain the patient's problem. Just this week, I have encountered a handful of laboratory results and imaging studies that have left me wanting to know more. I have questions that haven't been answered and patients have problems that remain unsolved. One of these patients is a young woman with a thyroid goiter and abnormal thyroid tests that do not quite point to a diagnosis. We decide to wait a few months and repeat her thyroid tests. Sometimes, only with time and further exploration will it become clear what is going on concealed deep within the human body.

In a similar way, as physicians we often can't depend only on our sight to diagnose and treat a problem. A few days ago I cared for a young woman with a history and physical exam suggestive of acute appendicitis. Here at Loma de Luz I do not have the ability to perform a CT scan to confirm my suspicion for an angry appendix. Rather, a sense of intuition paired with her clinical presentation directs her to the operating room where the surgeon removes the inflamed appendix. Sometimes, we see that which is invisible only once we have faith in what we believe to be true; eventually it makes itself known to us.

One more complex reality of a physician's sight is seeing that which cannot be fixed. This inevitably leaves one unsatisfied as it did me when a woman presented to the Emergency Room a few nights ago with a debilitating stroke. After a couple days of observation, it became clear that she would not wake up nor move the right side of her body. Devastated by their mother's condition, her children turned to prayer and hope for a Heavenly future for their mother. Sometimes, what we see in front of us is so painful that the only way to overcome the suffering is to believe in and hope for that which is invisible and will truly satisfy us.

***

I finally make it to my bed to rest late that Friday evening, though the adrenaline hasn't fully worn off, and thoughts continue to race through my mind. I find myself realizing that vision and mission go hand-in-hand, and often that vision can't be seen right away. Just as the eye is never satisfied, so too is vision never satisfied without mission. And just as the eye cannot provide true satisfaction, only that which we cannot see truly satisfies. 

That night, the mother did not merely see a child, but rather her daughter. In recognizing her mission to nurture her, true satisfaction was revealed in the gift of new life and an intangible bond of mother and child. Indeed, our vision puts us in a place beyond where we currently are, but it is only through mission that we find ourselves on that horizon, a testament that "the eye is never satisfied."

A beautiful art installation in the beach town of Balfate highlighting the beauties of Honduras

Another fiery sunset from the hilltop